Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Goodbye Dear Friend

I've written about J before, a few times.  How much she has enhanced my life and how she was a big inspiration for me in starting this blog.  I've written how she has been battling lung cancer, a non smoker, and the unfairness I have felt that she contracted the disease.  And now it is with a heavy heart and a lot of sadness that I must say she has lost the war with cancer on March 24.

She fought every battle with utmost grace and a dignity that I can only hope to aspire to.  Every setback was met with optimism.  Every victory, with joy.  In the year and nine months since her diagnosis, she looked cancer in the eye and met it head on.  It's a testament to her courageous spirit.  Sure, at the beginning she wanted to bury her head in the sand and not face it, but once that initial terror/denial ended, she was all strength.  I dont' know that I can adequately do her justice because truly she is the bravest person I ever knew.  And I will miss her every single day.  On the surface, if anyone saw us together they would wonder what these two women have in common.  But it was what we had below the surface that really mattered. She was 12 years older than me, but it never made a difference.  She had a completely different life than I do, but that didn't matter either.  She saw a lot in me that I sometimes have trouble seeing.  And I saw in her a beautiful soul with a glorious sense of humor.  We clicked immediately and have been friends since around 1996.

In January, things were looking up.  The cancer in her lung was all but gone and nothing more than scar tissue.  Unfortunately it had spread and there was a spot on her liver.   After several different courses of chemo for the liver cancer, that cough came back.  The cough that was the beginning of everything.  And I knew this was a bad sign.  A very bad sign.  But I tried hard not to let myself think it.  I didn't want to.  I knew it was getting down to the wire and that her doctor was running out of treatment options.  That cough.  It nagged at me.

Through it all she was helping plan her son's wedding and hired me to make candy boxes for the rehearsal dinner.  Every time we needed to contact each other it had to be via text or email because once she started to talk the cough took over.  And still I tried to remain in denial.  I just didn't want to think the worst.  I wanted to be optimistic even though the last time I did speak to her, she had told me she's made peace with everything.  Strength. Grace.  Dignity.

On March 7, her husband called me to let me know that J's treatment options have been exhausted.  There was nothing more anyone could do and she was now under hospice care.  Her son's rehearsal dinner was the next day, the wedding on March 10.  Would she be able to go was my question.  Yes, she was going to the wedding come hell or high water, but had opted out of the rehearsal so she could conserve her energy.  Good plan.  And she did go to the wedding and from the pictures I saw, she looked beautiful.

On March 14, I received a letter in the mail from her.  A letter that in essence was a goodbye. Devastating and yet beautiful.  Something I will cherish.  And a part of which I will share with you....
You are and always will be someone who touched my life in so many positive ways.  A little bit of you will always be in me.  Much love forever, J
After drying my tears, I texted her to thank her for the beautiful letter and tell her again that I love her and how brave she is.  She replied:
Hold on to it and read it when you need a little J in your life.  I love you so very much!
I told her I would hold onto it forever, and I will.  How do you say goodbye to someone so dear, so special, so a part of you?  I don't know.  But I will be traveling to Cincinnati this weekend for her Memorial service so I can try to do that.  Oh how I wish I could be going there again for a visit, to hang out with her and her husband.  To meet her new daughter in law.  How I wish it were anything but the reason I am going there.  Love you forever J.  

Thursday, March 22, 2012

How Not to Win in Advertising

I'm sure I'm not the only one to have noticed all the crapola in advertising these days.  Now, I'm no expert on what it takes to make a successful ad campaign but sometimes I really think the pitchman and the boss who OK'd some of these ads should be fired immediately and urged to find a new line of work.   Here are my top 3 that should be removed from the airwaves forever, wiped from our brains by any means necessary and never spoken of again.


Doody humor, seriously not the way to win my biz.  Then again, I don't have kids so maybe this appeals to people who do.  I can't imagine it does, but what the fuck do I know?  And can you seriously ever hear that song again and not think "Poop!  There it is!"


It's the creepy bears who live in the woods and wipe their asses so much that they have toilet paper stuck to them all the time.  You know, if you bears used Charmin that wouldn't happen.  Then again, if bears who lived in the woods used Charmin after every shit there would be much bigger landfill problem than we have now.  Wooded areas would be overrun with toilet paper.  Birds would be making nests out of it, beavers would be making dams out of it, the three little pigs would be making houses out of it.  And even worse than all this is the tag line... Enjoy the go.  Who thinks up this shit!

And the #1 most heinous of all ads....

Have a happy period.  It's so heinous I have to say it again... have a happy period.  There is no doubt in my mind that this annoying piece of nonsense was created by a man.  And whoever his is, I'd like to hang him by his balls with a tampon string while utter phrases like, "have a pleasant vasectomy" and "have an enjoyable kick in the nuts" and "hope your prostate exam rocks!"

Monday, March 19, 2012

My Deep Dark Secret

I have a secret.  A deep dark secret that nobody knows. It's not particularly shameful although some might consider it scandalous.  It's something I've been carrying around for many many years.  I dare not say it out loud because whenever I even slightly elude to this secret I am met with gasps, whispers and shrieks of "NO!!!!"  But I can hide it no longer.  I have to get it off my chest.

I fucking hate the Muppets!!!!

There.  I said it.  It's out.  I truly fucking hate the Muppets.  I hate how they infiltrate everything.  I'm watching a cooking show... there they are, fucking Muppets talking about food they don't eat.  I'm watching Project Runway, and there is that freakin swine Miss Piggy, demanding a new outfit.  What the fuck!  Austin Scarlett even said that he felt Miss Piggy and he were kindred spirits.  Seriously Austin?  She's a fucking sock!! I don't want to see Martha Stewart chatting it up with Kermit.   I don't want to see Emeril reduced to being embarrassed by his pork obsession because Miss Piggy is on the show that day.  And I really really never want to see that annoying fucking Elmo ever again!!  Elmo is the worst of them all.    

I guess to be fair I can say that I don't hate all the Muppets, like I kind of dig the Swedish Chef, and of course, the Count.  Beaker's pretty cool.  And I like the musician Muppets ok.  But that's as far as I go.  That's it. The rest of the Muppets need to put a sock in it and shut the fuck up!