Monday, March 19, 2012

My Deep Dark Secret

I have a secret.  A deep dark secret that nobody knows. It's not particularly shameful although some might consider it scandalous.  It's something I've been carrying around for many many years.  I dare not say it out loud because whenever I even slightly elude to this secret I am met with gasps, whispers and shrieks of "NO!!!!"  But I can hide it no longer.  I have to get it off my chest.

I fucking hate the Muppets!!!!

There.  I said it.  It's out.  I truly fucking hate the Muppets.  I hate how they infiltrate everything.  I'm watching a cooking show... there they are, fucking Muppets talking about food they don't eat.  I'm watching Project Runway, and there is that freakin swine Miss Piggy, demanding a new outfit.  What the fuck!  Austin Scarlett even said that he felt Miss Piggy and he were kindred spirits.  Seriously Austin?  She's a fucking sock!! I don't want to see Martha Stewart chatting it up with Kermit.   I don't want to see Emeril reduced to being embarrassed by his pork obsession because Miss Piggy is on the show that day.  And I really really never want to see that annoying fucking Elmo ever again!!  Elmo is the worst of them all.    


I guess to be fair I can say that I don't hate all the Muppets, like I kind of dig the Swedish Chef, and of course, the Count.  Beaker's pretty cool.  And I like the musician Muppets ok.  But that's as far as I go.  That's it. The rest of the Muppets need to put a sock in it and shut the fuck up!  
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8 comments:

  1. The LoerzelsMarch 19, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    I always liked animal, but find I want to rough Rosita up. Seriously, if have to add a new muppet to keep interest it's like when the Brady Bunch added cousin Oliver. Crap. Pure crap.

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  2. AnonymousMarch 19, 2012 at 8:51 PM

    I get equal gasps and judgment when I say I hate Girl Scout cookies. I just don't eat cookies that come from a box. Period.

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  3. BeckeyMarch 20, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    so sad... Elmo kept me sane during the offsprings younger years. Best babysitter ever.

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  4. cathMarch 22, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    Does Snuffleupagus count? And crucify me, but I love hearing Oscar bitch and moan. (Wretch's nickname is Oscar because she used to get up before school griping.) :)

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  5. judyMarch 22, 2012 at 11:45 PM

    I always loved the understated erotic interplay between Bert and Ernie. Even when I was little and didn't really know from homosexuality, I was like, "What's going on between these two guys??"

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  6. MuMuGBMarch 24, 2012 at 1:27 PM

    Maybe you should start a I-Hate-The-Muppets group? I am sure that you are not the only one...we don't have many muppets this side of the pond, but we have Walllace & Gromit. You don't want to know!

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  7. AnonymousMarch 25, 2012 at 8:21 AM

    I'm with you!! I liked the movie that was out recently, because it was a movie about muppets and that's what I paid for. But do I want to see Miss Piggy on "Entertainment Tonigh" co-hosting a segment? Or a muppet presenting an award? Or on a cooking show?? Hell NO!!

    Jenni

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  8. judyMarch 28, 2012 at 1:10 AM

    I like the idea of Miss Piggy hosting a cooking segment on preparing an Easter Ham LOL

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