Sometimes I really miss you. I want you to know that. I do. And sometimes I wonder why we are former friends and not friends. Were the issues really that severe that you had to cut yourself off from me? And while we're at it, what were those issues? With some former friends, I don't have a clue why things fell apart. When I think about that I can't help but think how stupid it all is. How does someone who you know cares about you, who you had no argument with, who you shared so much with, suddenly become persona non grata? And how do you not even give them the courtesy of telling them why? That pretty much tells me the friendship didn't mean much to you at all. That's kind of sad. I'm not talking about a natural transition, a drifting apart. I'm talking a sudden abrupt change with no explanation.
Is it wasted time? Did I waste my time being your friend, calling you, talking to you, listening to you and letting you listen to me? Was it a big mistake confiding my innermost secrets with you? Is there something somewhere that you will hold over my head somewhere down the road? Something I said that can be used against me? Granted I don't have a lot of secrets and at this point, I'm not sure what you know and what you don't know. But I felt so close to you that I may have said something, sometime that I shouldn't have. Eh, I can't worry about it. I will just have to assume that since you decided I suck, that you will disregard everything I ever said.
Was it a waste of time? There is a saying that people come into our lives at certain times to fulfill a certain purpose. I'd like to believe that but I'm having a hard time figuring out what the purpose is in these cases. Cases, plural. It's happened to me more than once. Which of course, makes me think it's me. I'm doing something to drive people away. I curse too much. I talk about sex too much. Are those actual reasons to dump a friend? Seems petty. But I know I have never intentionally maliciously hurt someone. Not to my knowledge anyway. If I had, I would definitely hope that the person wronged would say something so that I could right that wrong. Since they haven't, I again go back to assuming I just suck. Suck as a human being. Suck as a friend. Suck to the highest heights of suckage.
I don't want to think of you as a waste of time but I'm grasping at straws for the lesson in the friendship. Maybe I learned more about myself. Yes that's probably true. That right there makes the relationship not a waste of time.
You know what former friend? I'm starting to wonder why I miss you. YOU dumped me. YOU didn't tell me why. YOU took away your friendship and threw away mine. And you know what, I don't suck as a friend or a human being. It just so happens that I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I say fuck and cunt when I feel like it. I like talking about sex, reading about sex and engaging in sex. I love my tattoos. I love dying my hair weird ass colors. I'm 48 years old and I can do whatever the fuck I want and I should never ever be made to feel less than because of someone else. I fucking rock! I'm a great friend and would always be there for my friends no matter what. I'm not afraid to express my opinion, even if it differs from yours. A true friend respects that and doesn't stop being your friend because of it.
I guess this wasn't much of an ode to you former friend. Sorry about that. Well no, I'm not. This is my exorcism. To once and for all remove you from my thoughts, remove you from my life the way you removed me from yours. Sorry you're going to miss out on all the fun, humor, and friendship I still have left to give.