Monday, June 23, 2014

Jobless Revisited

Having just received my gazillionth rejection from a job I applied for, I'm feeling like a big fucking loser.  I hate feeling that way.  I hate a "woe is me" attitude.  I hate feeling sorry for myself.  But it's so hard not to when I've been looking for 2 years.  Two years, no job, over 20 years of experience.   What is the problem?  Why will no one hire me?  What is it about my resume or me in general, that is off putting?  I don't know.  I had my resume analyzed and got a pretty good affective rating.  So what's going on?  The economy is supposedly improving.

I feel like I am very professional on the phone and in interviews, when I have them.  Am I too old at 48 to be hired?   Do I have too much experience, therefore leading prospective employers to assume I will want too much money?  Or am I totally fooling myself into believing that I have marketable skills at all?  I really don't have the answers.

This most recent rejection really hurt.  I applied to it and two days later received an email with a test in it.  There was an editing test (it was a few paragraphs describing the business that needed grammar, spelling, punctuation etc. corrections) and a composition test (a lot of information in no format and asked to compose a business letter out of it).  I received this test early in the afternoon on the Friday before Memorial Day and asked to return the test completed within 24 hours.   Quite frankly I thought this bullshit mainly because I really doubt anyone would be looking at it before Tuesday of the next week.  But I did it.  I sat down and very carefully completed the tasks they asked of me and sent it back before end of business on that same day.

Not only did I not get the job, I never even got a call for an interview.  Nothing.  I completed their stupid convoluted task and they didn't even bring me in for an interview.  I didn't send it in blind either.  I had the man look over everything I did before sending it.  I received zero feedback on what they thought of the way I completed these tasks.  I received nothing at all but a brief note that said the company hired someone this past Friday and thanks for your interest.

When things like this happen, this is how I feel...

I try very hard to get to the "everything happens for a reason" place.  To that "when one door closes, another opens" place.  To remember that I'm smart, skilled and that any prospective employer should be thrilled to have me in their employ.  But sometimes, even if it's for a few hours or a few minutes, I just have to wallow in the idea that I may never work again and that is unacceptable.  I have a very strong desire to change several aspects of my life and I cannot do that without a job.  So as much as I'd like to, at this moment, give up and come to terms with joblessness forevermore, I won't.  I can't.  The rest of my life is waiting.