My Deep Dark Secret

I have a secret.  A deep dark secret that nobody knows. It's not particularly shameful although some might consider it scandalous.  It's something I've been carrying around for many many years.  I dare not say it out loud because whenever I even slightly elude to this secret I am met with gasps, whispers and shrieks of "NO!!!!"  But I can hide it no longer.  I have to get it off my chest.

I fucking hate the Muppets!!!!

There.  I said it.  It's out.  I truly fucking hate the Muppets.  I hate how they infiltrate everything.  I'm watching a cooking show... there they are, fucking Muppets talking about food they don't eat.  I'm watching Project Runway, and there is that freakin swine Miss Piggy, demanding a new outfit.  What the fuck!  Austin Scarlett even said that he felt Miss Piggy and he were kindred spirits.  Seriously Austin?  She's a fucking sock!! I don't want to see Martha Stewart chatting it up with Kermit.   I don't want to see Emeril reduced to being embarrassed by his pork obsession because Miss Piggy is on the show that day.  And I really really never want to see that annoying fucking Elmo ever again!!  Elmo is the worst of them all.    

I guess to be fair I can say that I don't hate all the Muppets, like I kind of dig the Swedish Chef, and of course, the Count.  Beaker's pretty cool.  And I like the musician Muppets ok.  But that's as far as I go.  That's it. The rest of the Muppets need to put a sock in it and shut the fuck up!