I'm going into my fantasy life with this post and it's going to be an X rated so if that bothers you, go now. The thing is, I can't not talk about sex. I have to. It's such a part of who I am anymore. I love everything about it and like expressing it. I like talking about it, reading about it, writing about it and living it. I've questioned before if I'm the norm or the exception. And the truth is, I don't care. I just like feeling sexual.
The other night I was dreaming, and in the dream my friend asked me, "How do you like it?" which is funny because he had asked me on the phone, for real, a few days prior. I answered him then but as I awoke with that question being asked of me again, I had a more thorough answer.
My answer was that I like it hard and fast. But delving deeper I would say primal. An urgency that is so strong that I feel like I might die if I don't get fucked like now. Right now. And yes, make no mistake, it is fucking. And fucking is good. There is something so intoxicating about being taken. I'm not talking forcibly. I'm talking consensually wanting each other so bad that you can't breathe. That when you're together somewhere, publicly all you can think about is getting back to where you can be with each other, one on one and just fuck all night long. Knowing looks go between you all night as you wait to return to your private place. You unconsciously lick your lips whenever you look at him. You find any reason to touch him, his hand, his arm, his leg. Anything. You want him so bad you wonder if you can make it somewhere or if you'll have to pull the car over and fuck right there on the side of the road. It's not something you request, you demand it. Pull this car over and fuck me now! And he does. It's just enough to sate you both until you get to that place, that private place where you can really get down to business.
But I also like it soft, slow, gentle. Making love. Romantic. I like candles lit, soft music playing. I like taking the time to undress each other slowly and explore my lovers body and let him explore mine. I want to kiss him and lick him up and down his body and let him do the same to me. A slow build to where you become one. One life, one breath, one heartbeat. And it's beautiful. It's a union of body and soul.
I like to be seduced in different ways. To be surprised by the amorous intentions of my lover while I'm doing something that might not immediately conjure up the idea of sex. Cooking maybe. While I'm standing at the sink or the counter, washing dishes or chopping vegetables. The pasta can wait while I give myself over to the hands that are roaming my body. And I wonder, will he take me on the counter? Will he take me on the table? Will he take me up against the wall? I don't care as long as he takes me. I relinquish any control over to my trusted lover and I hope he never tires of what I have to offer. Those fears are laid to rest later in the night. He waits until I am asleep, soundly. He knows my body so well and knows how easily I get wet for him. So as I sleep, he slowly and quietly opens my legs and puts his tongue on me. I am quite often dreaming of sex and then I start to really feel it and the feelings that come over me are explosive. A meeting of conscious and subconscious.
I like to be the seducer and turn the tables on him. I want him to beg me to take him. And he will, beg me that is. And I'll take him. But how we get to that point is something I will keep to myself. A girl needs some secrets.
I guess it was a simple question, but the answer is far from simple. I just hope that when my friend asked me "how do you like it?" he wasn't really talking about how I take my coffee. Because this answer is suddenly very inappropriate.