A Love Letter to Angelina

It's coming up on two years since I lost my Grandma.  I think of her so often, especially at times when I feel lost.  She was someone who always had my back.  She never judged.  She never criticized.  She listened with care, love and concern.  I could tell her anything.  And even more amazing, she could relate to just about any situation I found myself in, even with our 57 year age difference.  She had a calming influence and an easy way about her.  I doubt she would believe that about herself, but it's absolutely true.

She never questioned any of my rebellious activities.   She always told me I was beautiful even when I showed up to Thanksgiving dinner with a big black mohawk, torn fishnets and got totally hammered on the carafe's of Chablis she had on the table (which I called giraffe's of chab bliss as I got more and more drunk).  Back then food wasn't as important to me as drink.  Lots and lots of drink.  Looking back I want to smack my 22 year old self and tell me to pay fucking attention and enjoy the hell out of Grandma's food whenever I was given the opportunity. 

But now I make her perfect crust and amazing sauce whenever I make pizza.  I make her delicious sauce for spaghetti.   I make her insane cutlets.  I make her pies.  I make her breads.  I make her sausage.  I make her Easter cookies.  I use her 60 year old Kitchen Aid stand mixer.  Nothing ever tastes quite the same as when she made them, but whenever I make something of hers or use that mixer, I think even more of that beautiful soul I was so lucky to have in my life until I was 42 years old.  Is it ever enough time?

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings