A New Day, A New Attitude

My meltdown of a week ago is behind me.  I decided that dress was not meant to be... from the backorder, to the broken zipper, to a tear in the bodice (that I didn't even notice when I wrote my last entry).  It's sad because I loved that dress so much but it is what it is. And I won't be going out shopping for another one.  I will just make due with something I already have in my closet.  I'm just not at a point where I can buy something dressy and feel good in it yet.  I'm ok with that.  As my friend T so eloquently said to me this week...  

"We (myself included) tend to forget that weight loss/gain is a LOT like credit card debt. No one runs up $40,000 of credit card debt in just one year. It happens over a long period of time. You can't expect to pay off that much debt in just 6 months. Same with weight. You'll get there, I have faith."

I needed that reminder (although I think if I tried really hard, I could wrack up a $40,000 debt in one year on Fluevog's alone lol), thanks so much for that T and for everyone who messaged me or commented on my FB page. You all really did make me feel better after I spent a few days feeling like shit and beating the hell out of myself for not being where I want to be at this point in my challenge. I've been avoiding the scale and just feeling down about it all... the diet, some family stuff and other dramas that came out of nowhere. But if you know me, you know I can't be Debbie Downer for too long. It's just not me. I like to laugh too much. So I regrouped, tried very hard this week and discovered today that I am at a total of 12 lbs. lost! I was hoping to be closer to 20 lbs. lost at this point but I'll take it. In fact I'm pretty fucking thrilled. Onward and upward! I have 112 more days until the big day. I don't know that I can reach the goal but I'm going to give it my all! That's all I can really do right?

Lose 50 by 50

I don't want to be 50.  I know, I know... I've heard all the dialog.  "It's better than the alternative"  "50 is the new 40"  "You don't look 50"  and on and on and on.  Doesn't change the fact that I don't want to be 50.  I don't feel like I could possibly be that old.  I still listen to all the same music.  I still dress the same way.  I'm still a sarcastic asshole most of the time!

50 sounds so foreboding.  It sounds old. It's half a century.  More than half my life is over.  And saying it like that, more than half my life is over, makes me want to cry.   But I'm not here today to get all sadly introspective about the things I haven't done in my life yet.  I am here to talk about a goal I've set for myself.  I have until January 16, 2016 to lose 50 pounds.  Lose 50 by 50.  That's my battle cry!

It's not going to be easy.  I like to eat.  Sometimes it feels like one of the few joys I have left.  I love to cook and bake.  I love to go out and try new restaurants and revisit old faves.  But I've lost weight successfully before and I know I can do it again.  And I will do it sensibly.  I will not go on a no carb plan.  Nor will I go on an all one specific thing diet.  The only way I have ever been successful is to eat sensibly and move as much as possible.

A good friend of mine always told me that to diet successfully, diet quietly.  And I think that makes a lot of sense.  Telling everyone you know that you're on a diet is a recipe for failure.  And then when/if you do fail, you know they know you failed.  Whereas if you don't tell a soul, and you just go about your business of dieting, if you fail, only you know but when you're successful, it's a celebration. And with that in mind, why am I telling you here?  Well maybe about 4 or 5 people read my blog so I'll just deal with it.  And I want to chart my successes and failures.  I'm taking you on this journey with me so strap on your seat belts!

I think 50 by 50 is attainable.  At least, at this moment, right now, I feel optimistic about it.  As optimistic as someone as cynical as I can be anyway.  And if you want to join me in this journey, all the better.  Dieting sucks.  Watching what you eat blows.  But being fat is even worse.