You know that time you were on a diet and felt so good about it... so good that you couldn't wait to weigh yourself the coming week? Yeah well my warm fuzzies about this diet have all but disappeared. I've had some setbacks emotionally. My attitude has changed a bit and I just don't feel as good about my progress as I was.
But then the big blow happened. I decided to order a dress I've been eying online, to wear to the man's nieces wedding in October. I even ordered it a size that I thought was too big so it can be altered. I've been eying this dress a long long time. And then it seemed to take a long time to get it. I contacted the company about it and they said it was backordered (um, a notice about that would have been nice). But it seemed as though the backorder wouldn't be too long and I'd still have it in time for the wedding and if it needed alterations.
Well, the dress arrived today. It arrived with a broken zipper, and even with the broken zipper, I tried to try it on. Not going to happen. There was no way this dress was going to get on my body, broken zipper or not. And that is an emotional kick in the gut. Especially when you think 1) you're doing so well and b) you bought it a size too big.
So now the dress goes back and I refuse.... REFUSE, to up the size. I won't do it. It's too mentally devastating when you're trying to make that number go down, to have to instead have it go up. It hurts. This now is reminding me of the time I was looking for a dress for my brothers wedding and I had crying jag after crying jag in dressing rooms of stores because that fucking number of a size devastates me so completely.
The funny thing is, most of the time I feel pretty good about myself. Most of the time I think I'm pretty friggin hot in fact. Today I feel like the fattest, ugliest person on the planet. And all because of a number on dress with broken zipper, and I didn't even break it!