Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Contemplative

Last week I went out for drinks with an old friend.  More and more I realize that old friends are the best friends.  Which is not to say newer friends suck, they don't!   But old friends, there is something special about them.  They know you better than anyone else and they love you and have loved you for so long that it's probably never going to change.  There's comfort in that.  If you get into an argument it's so much easier to get past it because you know how much you love that person and how the argument is inconsequential to the big scheme of things.  What I mean is, an old friend isn't going to read this blog and say, I don't know, decide they can no longer be my friend because I write something risqué or I write something they don't agree with.  They will tell me they don't agree with it and we'll discuss the whys and the hows over a cocktail or a whatever.  But in the end the friend will realize that I'm still the person they have always known and it doesn't matter if I write about sex or sadness, or love, or hate or whatever I write about.  Like I said, there's comfort in that.



That's a bit of a digress from where I was going with this entry, but hey don't hate me because I digress! lol   As I was saying, I was out for drinks with an old friend and there was a lot of discussion about what I want in life.  And I didn't have a solid answer.  Maybe because I'm at a standstill.  I can't go up, I can't go down.  I have nowhere to go at the moment.  I have no job and that limits any kind of plan I can ever make for a future.  But since that day, I have been thinking about that question over and over and over. "What is it that you want?"  

This is what I've come up with. I want joy.  I want a life lived.  I want more than getting by week after week and doing the same things.  I want to be happy.  I want good sex.   I want to create great dishes and eat fine food.  I want to laugh and laugh and then laugh some more.  I want to listen to great music.  I want to take pride in what I'm doing for a living and not just exist in a job.  I want to travel and see things I've never seen.  I want more great tattoos.  I want to give love and get love in return.  

Maybe thats a big order to fill, but I don't think it's impossible.  Time probably isn't on my side unfortunately.  I am 48 years old.  Is it too late to live the life I want and think I deserve?  Is it too late to start living for me and not everyone else?  
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10 comments:

  1. judyFebruary 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM

    It is never too late. There are second, third and fourth acts in American lives, despite what F. Scott Fitzgerald said. :) It is actually long past time for you to start living for yourself. I am intrigued with your travel wishes and would actually love to hear more about them. And you are most definitely right, old friends really are the best friends. I think of my oldest friends as the family I should have had in the first place <3 Love, me

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    1. UnknownFebruary 28, 2014 at 4:05 PM

      Thanks Judy :) My travel wishes, well number one is Italy. I dream of going to Italy so often and want it so bad I could taste it. I'd like to go to Sicily while I'm at it and possibly meet some relatives that are still there. I'd like to go to Alaska as an homage to my father. And because I have such a fetish for zebras, an African safari is on the bucket list :)

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  2. Janine RipperFebruary 26, 2014 at 8:50 PM

    Its NEVER too late to live. NEVER stop living. Put it out there to the universe and the universe will deliver.

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    1. UnknownFebruary 28, 2014 at 4:05 PM

      Thanks Janine :) xo I hope the universe is listening.

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  3. MurielFebruary 27, 2014 at 3:38 AM

    Well, I can only talk about my experience. I am 41 years old and I feel like life is just starting for me. It is never too late. Never. I say go for it!

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    1. UnknownFebruary 28, 2014 at 4:06 PM

      Thank you Muriel. You are definitely a roll model in living your life how you want! So thrilled for all that is happening for you xoxo

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  4. PenelopeMarch 3, 2014 at 11:48 PM

    I just read a diary-journal that I kept 36-38 years ago and much of what I wrote sounded like what you are going through. All I can say is that the way gets better as the wisdom of experience provides you with answers. It's the not knowing that can drive you crazy.

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    1. UnknownMarch 5, 2014 at 1:59 PM

      I wonder how much experience one needs before feeling better happens? You're right tho, I just wish I could get on with the living!

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  5. Marie LoerzelMarch 9, 2014 at 6:13 PM

    That's a great list! And if you can dream it, you can do it!

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