Thursday, January 19, 2012

I'm Done Part I

Ever feel that way?  You're just done.  You know it.  You feel it.  It's time to move on.  That's how I feel about several things in my life, maybe even more than several.  Right now I'm focusing on one particular thing.  I'm done with All My Children.  Yes, it was canceled back in April.  Yes, it last aired September 23.  But still I haven't been done with it.  It's lingered on as fans waited to see if there would be an 11th hour save.  And when there wasn't, we commiserated our disappointment.  Now, my AMC blog remains and will remain online because there is so much of the show history on it.   So in that respect I guess I'll never truly be completely done with it.  But in my heart, in my mind, I am done. 

I've held on to it for so long.  Soap fans are nothing if not loyal, and when I say I feel done, I kind of feel like a traitor.  I suspect some soap fans will treat me like one too.  But that is not something I can worry about.  I have to do what I feel in my heart is the right thing for me.  And letting it go is the right thing for me.  I knew that from the moment it was canceled.  If you read my first post on this subject, Mixed Emotions, you can see that I was already making my peace with moving on.  But each and every time I came close to articulating it, something bizarrely AMC would happen.  I was getting ready to write this post last week when a friend told me she got me the autograph of one of my fave stars from the show, Darnell Williams.  Jesse Hubbard!   Seriously, he's one of the main reasons I started watching AMC in the first place way back when.  And so I put my thoughts on the back burner, again.   And today, as I sat down to write this again, what do I find in my mailbox delivered via Priority Mail?  A copy of People Magazine's commemorative AMC hardcover issue signed by none other than Susan Lucci!  So it keeps feeling like the forces of nature are telling me not to let it go.   How does that keep happening?  

My warmest wishes always - Susan  Lucci
And then logic takes over.  It's just a coincidence and when that bit of excitement about the latest autograph or bit of news or whatever fades, I still feel done.  I still feel like it's time to move on and end that part of my life.  And it feels right.  Holding on doesn't. 

I'm blessed.  Truly.  So very blessed.  AMC has done wonderful things for me.  I've had so many adventures.  I've met so many people.... both of the celeb variety and fellow fans.  I've made lifelong friends because of AMC.  I've met people who I never ever would have met if we didn't have AMC in common.  I've received cards, letters, gifts, and countless words of encouragement and support through the years.  When my dad was sick, AMC fans were there for me.  When my Grandma died, they were there for me again.  They have always cared and been supportive.  Yes, when I look back on my time as a Pine Valley Diva I can honestly say I'm blessed. 

So how does one walk away from it?  Believe me, I've grappled with that thought for months.  Can I do it?  Can I walk away?  Can I end a part of my life that has all at the same time given me joy, heartache and a weird level of fame?  And the answer is always yes.   Yes I can.  Because I know in my heart that there is something else for me now.  I'm not exactly sure what it is yet, but I know that there is something else that will bring me all the things (aside hopefully, from the heartache) that my AMC site has.  Maybe it's this blog.  Maybe it's the book so many have been encouraging me to write.  Maybe it's just living my life and being who I am.  Whatever it is, I can't wait to find out!

19 comments:

  1. When one door closes, another opens. Good luck! xo

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  2. If you think of all of the chapters that make up your life so far, turning the page to see what comes next is always exciting...where ever it takes you.

    You know me and quotes! Here is one for you:

    "There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." Louis L'Amour

    xxxooo

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  3. Ah 2012 is going to be a great year. I sense such positive things for you!

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    1. Thanks Janine! Possibilities are exciting!

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  4. Another World is the only one I ever watched, and that was back in the early 70s. It started with a stint in the hospital, and in those pre-cable days, there wasn't much but soaps in the afternoon. It continued for a few years until I was out of grad school.

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  5. What I've ALWAYS loved about you is that not only did you bring the best news on a soap we all grew to love over the past several decades, but you made sure to add your personality, snark, and style. You made the PVB your own. And that's what you continue to do here and on Facebook and anywhere else you show your cute face!

    I love that you wrote your commentaries while listening to music - and that you always shared your music with us. As well as your zebra prints, the 800,000 different haircolors you've gone through, your family members, be they furry, sassy, shy, awesome at cooking or a combination of the four.

    This may be hard, but I've seen you triumph over so many other things. You shine. You truly do. Love you always! :)

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    1. Squidly, thank you SO much for your words. Truly, you've brought a tear to my eye. xoxo

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    1. TY Rachel :) I'm not real comfortable with optimism, but I'm going with it for now lol

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  7. 2012 - the year of Lalia, moving on, discovering new and exciting things, doing it your way!

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    1. It's the only way I know how Barbara... my own way!

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  8. Yes I definitely feel that 2012 is the year of Lalia too... And Susan Lucci has truly validated that for you! I watched AMC faithfully in the late 1970s and into the late 1980s (I even scheduled my college classes around the show, along with several other girls in my dorm) and I always liked the depth of writing for the characters. I would try watching OLL or General Hospital but they just weren't the same. I never got all that "Luke and Laura" stuff, I always thought Laura could do so much better :-) But anyway getting that autograph was pretty awesome; that is exciting! I share in your optimism and truly hope that this year opens a lot more doors for you because I've known and loved you for so many years and only want the best for such a funny, intelligent, perceptive, talented and charismatic individual that I feel privileged to call my friend. Yes, write that book! Let the whole world know what all of us already know, that you're one of the brightest lights out there! Onward and upward but never straight! Gabba Gabba Hey and love ya Lalia!

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    1. Judy you always know what to say to make a gal feel good. And tossing in the Gabba Gabba Hey just iced that cake! xoxo

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    2. ;-) and love ya! And it's ALL TRUE!!

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  9. I had not watched the show in years but back in the day I was an avid fan, especially of Erica, who kept so much chaos going it was wonderful. It seems that a lot of things in the world in general are changing, like the downfall of printed material in favor of electronic versions, things we always took for granted.

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    1. I so know what you mean Sweepy.... but I remain happily old school in many ways. I read books, you know, the kind with pages you have turn. I buy and listen to cd's. I enjoy these things so much, I don't see me giving them up either until they are taken from me.

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  10. It's always been hard for me to 'be done'. When something feels done for me, I keep shredding it to pieces, keep going back, keep trying to resurrect...you get the picture, lol! So, congratulations!!! It takes a lot of courage to 'be done', esp. with something that has always meant so much to you. I guess it takes a lot of courage because with each "I'm done" comes the need to confront the 'What's next?' as you had said. I wish you all the good vibe and somehow I am already sure that you do possess the needed courage to push forward :-))

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