I've held on to it for so long. Soap fans are nothing if not loyal, and when I say I feel done, I kind of feel like a traitor. I suspect some soap fans will treat me like one too. But that is not something I can worry about. I have to do what I feel in my heart is the right thing for me. And letting it go is the right thing for me. I knew that from the moment it was canceled. If you read my first post on this subject, Mixed Emotions, you can see that I was already making my peace with moving on. But each and every time I came close to articulating it, something bizarrely AMC would happen. I was getting ready to write this post last week when a friend told me she got me the autograph of one of my fave stars from the show, Darnell Williams. Jesse Hubbard! Seriously, he's one of the main reasons I started watching AMC in the first place way back when. And so I put my thoughts on the back burner, again. And today, as I sat down to write this again, what do I find in my mailbox delivered via Priority Mail? A copy of People Magazine's commemorative AMC hardcover issue signed by none other than Susan Lucci! So it keeps feeling like the forces of nature are telling me not to let it go. How does that keep happening?
|My warmest wishes always - Susan Lucci|
I'm blessed. Truly. So very blessed. AMC has done wonderful things for me. I've had so many adventures. I've met so many people.... both of the celeb variety and fellow fans. I've made lifelong friends because of AMC. I've met people who I never ever would have met if we didn't have AMC in common. I've received cards, letters, gifts, and countless words of encouragement and support through the years. When my dad was sick, AMC fans were there for me. When my Grandma died, they were there for me again. They have always cared and been supportive. Yes, when I look back on my time as a Pine Valley Diva I can honestly say I'm blessed.
So how does one walk away from it? Believe me, I've grappled with that thought for months. Can I do it? Can I walk away? Can I end a part of my life that has all at the same time given me joy, heartache and a weird level of fame? And the answer is always yes. Yes I can. Because I know in my heart that there is something else for me now. I'm not exactly sure what it is yet, but I know that there is something else that will bring me all the things (aside hopefully, from the heartache) that my AMC site has. Maybe it's this blog. Maybe it's the book so many have been encouraging me to write. Maybe it's just living my life and being who I am. Whatever it is, I can't wait to find out!