Monday, December 12, 2011

14 Years Later

I wrote this back in 2000, after seeing a story on 20/20 about this boy and it broke my heart because I knew it so easily could have been me.  Today is the 14th anniversary of Brian Deneke's death and I'm sharing with you what I wrote 11 years ago.

If you watched 20/20 Downtown on Thursday night, maybe you know a bit about the story. It's a story about a young man named Brian Deneke, killed in the prime of his life for absolutely no good reason. It's a common story really. Too common. You see, Brian was a punk. He looked different, he dressed different, he listened to different music. For the life of me I will never understand why this means he should have to die.

This is the story as I know it. I'm not claiming to be an expert and am only relaying it how I heard it. In 1997, Brian and a group of his friends liked to hang out at a local IHOP and drink coffee, talk, basically hang out. The workers there were quoted as saying they were all really nice kids who never caused any trouble. A rival group of kids, jocks, tended to harass the punks (about their clothes and hair, about how none of them had cars and had to walk everywhere, how they couldn't afford new clothes, etc.). It happens all the time, it's part of being a kid. It's when it goes too far, like it did on December 12, 1997, that bad things happen. Evidently there was a lot of taunting, I'm sure by both groups of kids, when suddenly one of the jocks... Dustin Camp got into his Cadillac and ran Brian Deneke over. Brian's head and chest were crushed.

More appalling than a kid dying during a fight with a rival group is that this murderer, Dustin Camp got a slap on the wrist. He never spent a night in jail. He got probation. This son of a bitch got away with murder. Brian's death has left his family and friends shattered. Dustin gets a standing ovation at his high school graduation 2 years after the murder. Brian's friends and family put together the Brian Deneke Memorial Committee to encourage tolerance and respect for people who have different lifestyles, to support victims of crimes like this, and to educate. Dustin goes on with his life and his first year of college. 

Last night as I watched 20/20 Downtown's story about this, I just got more and more outraged. The interviewer for 20/20, Elizabeth Vargas, asked someone (I'm sorry, I can't remember who it was... I think one of the lawyers) that if the tables were turned and it was Brian Deneke who ran over Dustin Camp with his car, would Brian be in jail now. The man said YES. What an outrage!!! He went on to say something to the effect of, let's face it... appearance matters. WHAT!??? The guy didn't go to jail because he's a jock and looks, what? presentable? But being as Brian is different he would have?? This makes me utterly ill. I'm so sick and tired of kids who wear black, or listen to what someone else deems "disturbing" music being blamed for all the world's problems. Is Brian responsible for his own death because he had a mohawk haircut?? This is the year 2000. How can things like this still happen?

I guess maybe you're wondering why I find this so upsetting. I guess because I could have been Brian. I was there. No, not in Amarillo, TX on 12/12/97, but I was there at another time and place. Thirteen years ago I stopped at a McDonald's with a group of my friends. I was 21 years old and with five friends, four guys and one girl. Yes, we're punks. Two of the guys went into McDonald's to get a Coke or whatever, and came out rather quickly telling me to start my car and get the hell out of here. Well the place was swarming with high school kids but I honestly never thought a thing about it. I asked my two friends over and over what they did because before I knew what was happening, about four car loads of jocks with baseball bats were following us, waving the bats out their car windows. My friends insisted they did/said nothing. I believed them too because there were about 50 kids at this McDonald's and only six of us. 

I tried to get away from them, but they kept chasing us. I made the big mistake of going down a street that had the lanes separated by a median, which means there was only one way traffic and the jocks seized the opportunity I gave them and surrounded my car, forcing me to stop. They surrounded my car and tried to get us to come out. Being the hothead that I am, I did get out and my friend Rich (who was in the back) tried to get out but my friends who were in the front seat wouldn't let him. They didn't want anyone to get hurt, and of course no one could stop me from getting out before I did. There was shouting, then a crash. One of the jocks smashed out the back window of my car with a baseball bat with three people sitting in the back seat no less. We were very lucky that no one got hurt. After this the jocks took off and as I laid on someone's lawn sobbing hysterically, a couple of my friends went to someone's house and asked them to call the police. 

We were lucky, the police knew that the kids were troublemakers and it didn't matter that we were freaks, they believed us. They caught the kids within an hour and we identified them. The funny thing about it is that the guy with the bat was the chief of police's son for that city. He and his parents paid for all the damages to my car, but nothing else ever came of it. Like I said... we were lucky. Way luckier than Brian Deneke. 

For me and my friends (and so many others) punk is a way of life, it's not a phase. We never grew out of it. It's been close to 20 years since I found punk and I still listen to the music, as do my friends. Sure, we are all responsible adults now and don't have blue spiked hair anymore (but if you ever met me in person, you might see that I try to hold on to that part of my life!). I have lost touch with a few of them now as friends do. But here I am, I work full time, I have a house that I'm trying to fix up, I have a husband (who incidentally I met in a punk club), I have two cats, I have a website devoted to a soap opera! I'm your next door neighbor. Why is that is so scary? Differences make the world go round. We shouldn't be persecuted for them. Embrace people who are different, learn from them. This isn't just about punks vs. jocks. This is about all differences whether it's hair color or skin color, fat or skinny, poor or rich etc.

This is a part of me that I don't often share, not because I'm ashamed of it, but because people don't understand it. They think that punks worship the devil, are drug addicts and cause trouble. I've never done any of those things. I'm not saying that all punks are good law abiding citizens, because no group of people is ever all inclusive. I'm saying that just because someone looks different than you doesn't mean they are bad people. Everyone deserves a chance to live their life. Brian Deneke didn't get that chance. I guess the moral to the story is... think before you act.

14 comments:

  1. Very thoughtful story, Lalia, and incredibly well said... A very good commentary derived from both insight and unfortunately, experience. I feel very bad that you had such a horrible thing happen to you and I can empathize. I have a feeling I know where this McDonald's is because I had a similar experience, although nowhere near as frightening, going into a McDonald's in an eastern suburb of Cleveland and getting very loud and obscene comments about my appearance. (I love punk music too, but I dress like a hippie; I love hippie music as well.) Hate these pigeonholes but using them for the sake of brevity. Anyway me and my friends, all dressed as hippies, did absolutely nothing to provoke the verbal assault, which followed us into the parking lot. We had to tear ass out of there to avoid any further problems. It's so sad that someone would go to this extreme just because someone "looked" different,and that they would avoid jail time because they "looked" respectable. Thank you for this post. I send you all my love.

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  2. Wouldn't it be grand if we could all see thru someone else's eyes for a day...for these obnoxious teens who think the "jock way" is the only way, to see life thru the eyes of the punk, the hippie, the nerd, the artist, the band geek or the head case (I feel like I am quoting "Breakfast Club") and understand what one of them feels when they are harassed and bullied. They may even find that these "outcasts" as they see them, may have better and more loving lives then they do! Thanks Lalia for sharing this important story...and it's too bad 14 years later it is no different.

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  3. I don't know why differences scare people. It's not like they're contagious or anything.

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  4. Yes -- it is too bad that things are still no different -- if everyone could all be more compassionate and civilized, think of what a better place planet Earth would be --

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  5. This is bad and sad at the same time because it seems like people never learn anything, not from witnessing something bad, not from seeing, hearing or reading something unfair and unjust. What about their own experiences, do we only have conforming people? Or do different people not have a voice or deserve our respect?
    I can only try going through life open eyed and tolerant and never ever accept wearing blinkers!

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  6. I know this was probably painful to relive so thank you for sharing this with us. I wish I could say that there the world is so much better, more accepting now, 14yrs later, but I'm not too sure. I continue to hope. And now I'm off to Google Dustin Camp to see what became of him. I'm curious....

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  7. When will people ever learn that it's not the clothes you wear, the color or cut of your hair, your piercings or tattoos that matter... it's what is in your heart. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. It is a sad story. We can be so judgemental! Maybe people are afraid of differences. I believe that the bullies are in fact in pain and that's why they behave like that. Not that it excuses them.
    Thanks for sharing this.

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  9. It saddens me that things haven't changed at all. Even in my own town the Mayor had this to say recently about a curfew put in place: "What we’re trying to rid ourselves of are the people that are down their in their gothic garb, with their spiked hair, with their piercings, and it’s very — for most of you who haven’t been down on the boardwalk, I would suggest that it is a very intimidating atmosphere for the masses."

    Seriously. That is an actual quote. It makes me sick.

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    1. Seriously? What town did the Mayor condone fear in?

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  10. I think the moral of this story could be that appearances can be deceiving. The punks got a bad reputation for the way they dress rather than for the way they behave while the so-called nice guys conform dress-wise but let loose their underlying Nazi instincts on anyone who doesn't conform. What garb has to do with supposed bad behavior is beyond me - unless it's sexually explicit. Why someone has to be murdered for the way they dress is beyond explanation. A murderer is a murderer and Dustin Camp will be one to his dying day. I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't committed other acts of violence or assault and will eventually get his comeuppance.

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    1. Seriously?! What town is this?

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  11. You know what's even worse than all that's been said. The Residents of that town and the parents of Dustin, said it's OK to kill if the one you kill is different from us because they aren't good enough to live. They all should be punished in the legal system for supporting a killer.

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  12. I think I will continue this day with looking up every conversation I can find on this problem. I saw a show on this today again. Ive seen this story many times. Today I saw that's even though this guy FINALLY worked his way into the clink he was released according to the MISSINFORMATION July 4, 2009, which would have been his eight year sentence, he was released 5 years later in 2006. I found this by looking him up to see if he was still alive. Even the dead kids parents didn't care anymore. Freaks me out. What also freaks me out is this guy is kinda public and still in the same crowd. Freaks me out. I don't endorse "hate" BUT, isn't there something in "never forget" -?

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