As my luck has been odd lately, I ended up winning a free bra from JC Penney. I apparently signed up for this contest when I was there with mom before Mother's Day and we had gotten sized. I don't remember doing this, but a free bra is a free bra.
When we get there, the girl who sized us last time was not there and girl who was decided she wanted to size me again to be sure before I picked a bra out. That's any bra in the store. Sweet. I planned on picking one that was really expensive. I looked around a little and found a zebra striped bra that had my name all over it. Unfortunately it didn't have my size all over it. So I continued looking. I knew I wanted black because well, most of my bras are black. I have the one obligatory white bra for when I wear something light colored, which is almost never. But I have it.
Off to the dressing room I go with Booby Bonnie, the most gung ho bra sizer ever. And after I lift my top and show her what I've got, she starts pulling up and yanking down and tightening and adjusting every aspect of the harness I'm wearing. Well look at that, Booby Bonnie knows her shit because my girls are actually looking high and perky! But then she slaps me with the bad news. After a few measurements and a few adjustments she informs me that I'm not a DDD, but I'm a G. Yes, a G. You heard me. A fucking G!!!!!
I am all at once impressed and mortified. A G? Who the fuck is a G? Mom isn't even a G and she had huge tits. Wait, that means I have huger tits than mom? How is this possible? A fucking G! What does G even mean... Ginormous? Gigantor? Gargantuan? Sheesh I'm not a porn star. I'm not a model for Big Tits magazine. I'm just me, all natural, going about my every day life, having made peace with a DDD. I don't think I can make peace with a G. It's too daunting. It's overwhelming. And now all I can imagine is my tits arriving 5 minutes before the rest of me wherever I go. I'm going to have nightmares that my whole being is one giant tit. G. I feel so dirty.... Hmm, maybe it's not as bad as I think after all.