How Not to Win in Advertising

I'm sure I'm not the only one to have noticed all the crapola in advertising these days.  Now, I'm no expert on what it takes to make a successful ad campaign but sometimes I really think the pitchman and the boss who OK'd some of these ads should be fired immediately and urged to find a new line of work.   Here are my top 3 that should be removed from the airwaves forever, wiped from our brains by any means necessary and never spoken of again.


#3

Doody humor, seriously not the way to win my biz.  Then again, I don't have kids so maybe this appeals to people who do.  I can't imagine it does, but what the fuck do I know?  And can you seriously ever hear that song again and not think "Poop!  There it is!"

#2

It's the creepy bears who live in the woods and wipe their asses so much that they have toilet paper stuck to them all the time.  You know, if you bears used Charmin that wouldn't happen.  Then again, if bears who lived in the woods used Charmin after every shit there would be much bigger landfill problem than we have now.  Wooded areas would be overrun with toilet paper.  Birds would be making nests out of it, beavers would be making dams out of it, the three little pigs would be making houses out of it.  And even worse than all this is the tag line... Enjoy the go.  Who thinks up this shit!

And the #1 most heinous of all ads....

Have a happy period.  It's so heinous I have to say it again... have a happy period.  There is no doubt in my mind that this annoying piece of nonsense was created by a man.  And whoever his is, I'd like to hang him by his balls with a tampon string while utter phrases like, "have a pleasant vasectomy" and "have an enjoyable kick in the nuts" and "hope your prostate exam rocks!"